Beautiful Men for a Beautiful Game part 2: Clear Eyes, Hot Bods, Can’t Lose. (Updated)

To continue my non television related hokum, I will talk a little more about men in shorts.. (Spoiler Alert) They. Are. Great.

I mean soccer brings “da feelz” out of people/athletes in ways that are quite rare in our society.  Perhaps because the sport seems operatic on some level.  The intermingling of power and finesse, players moving harmoniously, all while spectators take it all in, holding our breath for the exciting climax…  Best opera ever right? Another reason for its greatness can be summed up in the oddly appropriate adage “It’s not over till the fat lady sings”.  Boy has that been the case this cup.  But I’m not writing to post about match specifics (though I still mourn the loss of Mexico, Nigeria, and the US’s tough exits), Instead, I will showcase the moments, emotions, (and yes hotness) through it’s purest form —  The slightly doctored photograph.

Creativity..emotion…rhythm.  Team Ghana


Diabou Algeria

Aka – Super Fly

John Brooks


I mean come on.

Raphael Varance France

Bonjour Sexy

Wesley Sch Netherlands

I may have a thing for short athletes. Short sexy shirtless athletes? Holland here I come!

Robin Van Persie


Decidedly not sexy… but wins the award for most surprising modern day look compared to his mullet rocking athlete days.

Hot Belgium Player

Nicolas looks like bookish Tom Brady. Yum. equally delicious is Moussa, who lives up to his name by being dark, smooth and wondrous.

Joseph Yobo

Recipient of the “I don’t care how hard your abs are, it’s a deal breaker award – Luis Suarez – For some reason, slightly racist cheaters with cannibalistic tendencies don’t do it for me, who knew?Luis Suarez

Santiago Arias

The real reason to become head of a country – Angela Merkel after a long day saving the EU from it’s own demise, why not kick back with 20 half naked footballers? Should be a required perk of the job.

Germany Angela Merkel

PodolskiNeymarSo, I wasn’t able to watch the Brazil-Germany match, but certainly didn’t believe the internet when it said it was 5-0 of halftime!?Was this a baseball game or a soccer match with two supposed soccer super powers? Perhaps it had something to do with Neymar being injured, but sounds more like a complete defensive collapse for the home team.  As always, twitter is a saving grace for such occasions.  Here were come classic tweets.

  • This is just brutal and I can’t take this N eymar #worldcup
  • Brazil did Nazi this coming (so bad, yet I had to laugh)
  • Germany Mullered Brazil
  • Neymar be like “put me in coach”
  • lamb


The Hulk Brazil


Van Persise flying dutchman

Winner of most likely to perpetuate your countries mythical folk tales.

Fernando Augusto

Literally just saw him for 2 minutes celebrating his teams win from the deep bench. Only needed 10 seconds for his magic to take effect.

Top three Keepers I want to Keep per myself

Vincent Enyeama ref messi

This guy makes my life. Yes that is the goalie joking around with Messi and the head Official at halftime. Can Enyeama and the Ref become a comedy duo together? Please and Thank You!


Guy stops shots and hearts with his moves and scrumptious hair. Also, don’t you think he looks like a mix between Zac Efron and a Latin Jack White? No? just me. *sees self out*

Fernando Muslera

Smiley or Serious. Puppy or Puppy face. Guys owns my soul from now to forever.

And here is the highly esteemed award for best Jersey (Kit) (Because how they look is as important as how they play)


“This kit draw inspiration from traditional Asian attire, the Taegeuk symbol and the nation’s flag. With a unique collar and asymmetric elements on the sleeves, the away shirt adds that extra something that the home kit was missing and lets the pair really stand out from the middle of the pack.”


“Holland’s home kit is a masterpiece that uses clean elements that pop with die Oranje’s traditional colors. Where the home kit is inspired by the past, the away kit looks more geared for the future with a subtle geometric pattern running down the body. “

goal james

#James Rodriguez #Never Forget

To conclude.  You know this has been the best world cup, when it somehow includes a list of Menchabench’s favorite things (just like Oprah’s but with 100% less cars giveaways).

  • My main man from US presidential history, Teddy Roosevelt* (whom I may have read multiple 1000 page biographies) became the impromptu USMNT mascot courtesy of one Chicago Ad man who thought “Speak Softly, and carry the ‘Ole Oles’ to a US win!”Teddy-Roosevelt-USA-Portugal
  • The fact that the 2nd  most popular chant comes from my future husband/Johnny Depp Burton double Jack White.  Based on the guitar riff (most people think it bass. Most people are wrong.) from The White Stripes hit “Seven Nation Army”.
  • Luis Suarez had Karma rear it’s head when the “chomp hear round the world”, led to his ejection from the tourney.  I may not have paid attention to you since last cup, but I still remember publicly crying some fugly tears after Ghana’s loss due to your purposeful handball to stop sure goal.  Vengeance is sweet, and apparently tastes like human.
  • Not often someone with my racial make-up gets the global spotlight. So when you just happen to be half black/german with roots in Chicago and come off the bench in the 80th minute to score a winning goal for the biggest tournament in the world (a dream I might have replicated way back in middle school), it’s hard not to be totally be in awe of John Brooks and his life defining moment.  Also, if Mr. Brooks happens to be part Cuban, then I think I may have found a long lost relative.

*For anyone who doesn’t have intimate knowledge of the most badass president known to me, y’all should take an hour and breath in is his magnificence.  Not only did he conquer asthma, provide the first (American) integrated units, grow a sexy mustache, become a cowboy just for fun, and bust trusts like it was nobody’s business.  He also survived an assassination attempt mid-speech, and managed to finish said speech with a bullet that would remain in his chest for the rest of days.  Oh yeah, and something something about third party ticket blah blah… HE RODE A FRIGGIN MOOSE. EFF YEA!


FINALLY – Since this blog is about the meshing of Eastern and Western cultures try this on for size – Korea played Algeria (Asia vs Africa) in South America, where I watched in America.  Clash of cultures and then some!  Aishe, with that ending bit of rubbish I believe I’ve gone all Talking Heads and Stopped Making Sense.  Back with more drama craziness next week!

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