Veronica Mars Movie: Minute by Minute Commentary and Reviewish

veronica mars

Obviously this has nothing to do with Korean dramas (yet), but mix in some wine, and ongoing chatter about which cameo was a Kickstarter backer, and suddenly we are putting on our snark hats and slurrily attempting to remember which media organization made an appearance when.

The first 40 minutes are pretty sparse considering we were either squeeing or drinking, so it later becomes more chronological, but probably makes less sense. Also, I remembered time stamps apprx. 10% of the time.  Whoops.  Ooo and spoilers be wary (thought nothing whoa crazy crazy was given away).

P.S.(Because apparently this is in letter format now.)  Though this was edited a bit, I left in all the expletives/crudeness because alcohol is known to have such an effect.  NSFW because I’m PG-15 like that.

1:00 Veronica Mars (VM) patented voice over. Hellz yes.

-Name check numero uno:  Marshmallows

-Name check number 2: Kickstarter

Entertainment Weekly is used for a character’s cover because then they get to write about it in real life. #PPLslam

-No idea who Carry Bishop was in the old series…

Jaime Lee Curtis in da house fifty story skyscraper. Good to see you around (and with no yogurt in site), even if it’s keeping Veronica from going to bloody Neptune already.

-What the Ira Glass? NPR getting on this publicity bandwagon as well? What’s next Perez Hilton? One minute later… Cue Perez Hilton site.  Oh boy, so it’s going to be this kind of film.

-Yay! bye-bye Piz and NYC, hello Cali, class warfare, unresolved murders, and LOGAN!

logan hotness veronica mars

-Boo Ya this is my quick-witted jam. Logan and Veronica, getting back into their verbal rhythms. Adore.

-Unexpected cameo that’s probably not a cameo – everyone’s favorite cranky old lady Ethel Beavers from Parks and Recreation.

ethel-literally-crying-parks-and-rec ethel-beavers

-Wallace and M.A.C. arrive. Dayum, Wallace is looking fine.

Veronica-Mars-Movie-Pictures wallce

-Veronica swears she wouldn’t be caught dead at Neptune’s HS reunion.  See you there Veronica!

41:00 Sufjan Steven’s best song “Chicago” is playing right now.  Slightly freaking out with glee, but confused in that they are driving along a California highway.  Perhaps the sequel will have Veronica tackling Chicago’s current crime wave.  Chi-town needs all the help it can get.

-Random Canadian bar: Unexpected cameo – Justin Long, and is that Dax Shepard? (aka Bell’s hubby) making an appearance as an adorable douche? Awe you two are so cute, and makes me recall this internet exploding moment.

-They be showing this bouncer guy muchas veces.  Bet he paid a lotta dough to be that extra. I curtsey to you sir.

-Daddy Mars and VM cracking lawyer jokes.  Gawd I missed them.

Reunion time!

44:00 Is it weird if I’m confusing Gossip Girl and Veronica Mars voice overs? They do both love their literary references and thus I keep expecting her to say, “you know you love me,” at the end of every sentence.

– Speaking of, VM makes a Dante’s Inferno reference to whom is a probable VM alumni cameo, I’ll call her popular bitch #1 for brevity.  Wonder what circle of hell she would be in?

-Gia makes her VM film debut! Glad to see her (BB spoiler alert!) not dead due to asphyxiation from everyone’s favorite summer romp Breaking Bad.

Gia_Goodman krystenritter od

49:00 What the Piz are you doing here?  I didn’t even see season three, yet I know all about your 2nd lead status.  Go back to the land of the concrete jungles where dreams are made of.  Where they make you feel brand new, and those lights, they will inspire you. Plus they have bagels!

-Weevil! How I’ve missed thee. Good to see you turned your life around…for now muahahaha. #beacuseWeavilalwaysgetstheshortendofthestick

51:00 How many sex tapes does it take to bring a cast together? Apparently more than one.  By the way with all this films talk of tablets, twitter, and “new technology”, doesn’t the phrase “sex tape” seem so 2006?

-Did he just say “Welcome to the OC Bitch.” before joining in the manly fight club fray? Hahaha that’s awesomely hilarious.  A little Dick never get’s old. (Sorry guys, last joke of that nature. Probably.)

fight club v mars veronicamars-raining men

-Principle C?! Best. Loved their repartee and probably the best frenemy relationship on the show.

54:00 – Holy fitted Henley Batman! Fan service man service, for this second I will not care a rip and just embrace the pretty.

Screenshot 2014-07-22 04.00.02 Screenshot 2014-07-22 03.59.47

-Weevil sees gang commotion from afar.  Just when you think he’s out, Veronica arrives and it’s like her mere presence will jump start commotion/plot movement.

– “Sexual Sharknado.” Haha I must remember that one.  Not sure when I would ever need to use such a turn of phrase, but I shall remember it nonetheless.

-Veronica Accents: Ahh. This time she uses the ever so eastern European voice to fool inept cops.  Classic Mars.

-AHHHH! I was hoping he would make an appearance.  If it isn’t Leo, known as an older cop love interest in these parts, but is none other than Schmidt in New Girl.  It’s weird seeing the actor flash that smile for good instead of crazy.

Leo-Veronica-Mars schimist

64:00 Leo: “Lawyer? That’s odd I could have sworn you were in the FBI?” Veronica: “Another life maybe.”  Yesss. I’m fairly certain I’ve missed several winks and sly messages to the super fans/backers but this one I get and was fairly amused by.  Shout out to my ole dormie for showing me this gem during the throughs of my VM addiction.

65:00 Guys while watching this I’ve now become a conspiracy theorist that every random shot of a person or yearbook photo is really just a Kickstarter backer in disguise.  Not that there is anything wrong with such a happening, but it’s definitely taking me out of the movie.

-Skype chat with Mac time! Omo, that reminds me I have a Skype session later.  Thanks Veronica!

– What the Franco?!?!

-Shiza no way, my eyes haven’t deceived me, James Franco is cameo’ing as James Franco (obviously), and right now he’s attempting to put on skinny jeans.  This is not a drill.

cameos mars

-Wait, is that the girl from The Middle playing Franco’s assistant *Googles furiously* Oh my it is! Only seen a couple episodes of show in passing, but I totally loved her own brand of weird.

-Vincent Van Lowe (Aka the bond bailsmen guy. Aka guy you love to hate.) Now I can make a connection to the Burning Love web series.(All three including Ethel, are together towards the left.)


-All this NYC bizness is really Pizzing me off.

78:00 Jaime Lee C. was not playing games everyone; she is as serious as a lawyer’s paycheck. But Veronica can’t help it y’all. She’s addicted to LoVe.

-Eff. Looming evil car of evil. Broody serious Logan. Headlights.  Papa Mars in range… Oh man I’ve missed this.

-Sigh. I wish I was cool enough to sign my name with just one letter.

-Haha Fuck Yes! (literally) Veronica needs her Logan fix, and he’s about to put the needle in, Erm so to speak.  (Sorry for my guttered ways. Last time I swear!)

-Sex tape count update: 3. This time the FM audio variety.

-Denouement: The classic bad guy confessional time, where Veronica always has that look of slightly smug-self satisfaction.  But in a cool way, because she’s Veronica.

-Shoot. Spoke too soon. Why do your (maybe spoilers?) characters always go out on such a harsh note?

-Real talk. I love Logan as much as the next fan, but I love the fact that her potential “last text,” was to Papa Mars even more.

-Sniffle. With all this pepper spraying going on I just realized her dog, Backup, is probably no more. Moment of silence for the perfect pooch.


-Evil guy monologuing aka talking to himself for no real reason. Typical bad guy trope in America.  In dramaland it’s odd if your not speaking your inner thoughts aloud, because that’s how everyone rolls mmmk.

-Veronica Smash!

-Da Fuk. TMZ is in on this also. Will the madness ever cease?!

-Nose kisses. Rawr.

-“Our story is epic. Spanning years, continents, bloodshed…” Alright so that ranks high up in my over the top love declarations list.  Loved it back in the day, and I’m a total sucker for its usage here.

-Biiiitch. Veronica why you talking such things and then have a weird contemplation walk through your old school (that you hated).  I swear if you become a guidance councilor then we are over!

-WTF Weavil, just say no to gangs.  Why won’t you think of the children! (Seriously though, this addiction metaphor is getting a little out of control…)

-“My name is Veronica Mars, and I’m an addict. Hello Veronica.” Boom. Cue Dandy Warhol‘s music and credits roll.

-So with this open ended ending, me thinks Veronica finds herself at a crossroads, (brilliant deductive reasoning I know.) The real question she needs to be asking is, WWDD? What would Duncan Do?

duncan portait

My sober review

To borrow from the shows theme song, “We used to be friends, a long time ago…”  I was plenty excited when I first heard news of the film, and rest assured will still watch any future sequels, but I think the time is long past of truly capturing the magic that 2/3 of that series was (though nill chance a 2 hour movie could anyways.)  This combined with the fact at hand: they basically had to include certain elements in order to appease the masses that made the film possible.  This isn’t to say that crowd funded films shouldn’t exist, but in this case put a ceiling as to what a Veronica Mars movie could achieve.

So it became what I assumed it would be.  A less dark, nostalgia induced version of the series, with some great character moments and a fully formed world that’s always delight to be immersed in.  The worst case scenario would be this movie experiment utterly failing thus taking away the sheen from the TV series.  Well fear not, as this film did not hurt it’s legacy in the slightest.  Because even if I will surely pick up my S:1 box set before this Blu-ray (if I had Blu-ray),when I need my Neptune fix, this will always be around and should be remembered for bringing back the most important Veronica Marsisms: characters pinging off each other with winning dialogue.  So, be it romantic, platonic, familial, or Dick, it’s those little moments that continue to work like gangbusters (no pun intended), and is what continues to make this show/brand/cult a fun thing to be apart of.


PSS- For all those inclined, I did see the impending Weevil downfall coming, because he’s just as tragic a character as Logan just in a less WASP-y package.

Now as for the Perez Hilton “joke,” you should take umbrage with in terms of believability. Creative editing might have taken place.

4 thoughts on “Veronica Mars Movie: Minute by Minute Commentary and Reviewish

  1. Now this is the type of review I like! 🙂 My thoughts were much the same as I was watching it. Definitely thought it was good but limited by the Kickstarter funding. Lots and lots of nostalgia and cameos and such, and more lighthearted than the series, but overall pretty good. You should watch season 3 for sure though, more ups and downs with the LoVe couple, and of course Piz comes in, but it’s still got that snark and daddy daughter relationship. I just love the Veronica Mars world, and I think I’ll be checking out the novels that they’ll be releasing to get some more of it.

    • Why thank you my dear! (Apparently I’m evoking a southern grandmother today) yes it had it’s moments but didn’t quite live up to the hype. Of season 3 I’ve basically seen all the loVe moments from YouTube clips anytime I think to watch the last season, perfection thy name season 1 beacons begging for a rewatch. But These novels of which you speak sound awesome! Are they already released?

      • Can’t argue with that, season 1 was soooo good. But yeah the first novel is out already, I’m pretty sure, and it takes place after the movie. The stories would be canon too, so any future films would happen after the events in the books.

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